Earlier than you come for me, let me simply say that I’ve been “that teacher” and “that parent.” Have I assembled fortunate cash envelopes for each pupil in my preschooler’s class? Sure. Have I made “It’s Crunch Time! You’ve Got This” slips for state testing and connected tiny chocolate bars? Sure, sure I’ve. And but, I’m calling for an finish to the elementary cuteness wars (in any other case often known as the infinite calls for—each unwritten and express—on mothers and lecturers to create cute tasks, treats, goodie baggage, and the like). Right here’s why.
It units unrealistic expectations.
As girls, I feel we’re typically our personal worst enemies. I do really feel like there is a component of one-upmanship right here. And sure, I’m particularly calling out girls. I don’t wish to be gender normative (or recommend that this by no means impacts males), however I feel it’s vital to acknowledge that that is primarily a problem for mothers and feminine lecturers. We’re those who are likely to fall into this lure of considering that having social media–worthy bulletin boards or creating the most effective Loopy Hair Day ‘Do are things we’re supposed to do as lecturers and as moms of school-age youngsters. It’s merely not true, and it solely serves so as to add to what’s already on our overcrowded plates. It’s unsustainable, it’s aggressive, and it’s not truthful to any of us.
It’s not truthful to our children both. We’re setting them as much as anticipate perfection. I at all times fear about teenagers doing these massive “promposals” and Candy 16 events, as a result of what are they going to anticipate for his or her weddings? It’s the identical concept. You get so many “first day of school” survival kits (Pencils! Band-Aids! Lovable poem!), and also you begin to anticipate them. Not solely that, however I fear that our children will develop up and assume that they should do all this (however greater and higher) for their very own youngsters to be able to be good mother and father. And that’s simply not the case.
It’s not actually for the children.
There’s a part of this that feels performative. Yeah, I mentioned it. And I mentioned it about myself, too. As a result of if I’m being sincere, the rationale I do a whole lot of these tasks is as a result of I like the eye—particularly having individuals inform me how artistic and intelligent I’m. And if that weren’t the case, then I wouldn’t publish photos on social media. And I wouldn’t return and repair my daughter’s pom-pom placement on the valentines which can be supposedly from her. However I do.
I additionally know that the majority youngsters don’t care. They just like the Spider-man valentines from the shop simply as a lot because the “Olive You” valentines that I spent three hours slicing, coloring, and punching tiny hearts out of. There are a number of exceptions. I’ve former college students who’ve stored all my notes, however I occur to assume my phrases mattered greater than the truth that they had been “hand-stamped by Kimmie.” For essentially the most half, all these cute issues I’ve made for my college students and my youngsters’ courses have ended up within the trash. I do know as a result of I watched them do it (couldn’t even wait till they bought dwelling—that’s how a lot it didn’t matter).
Pinterest itself isn’t the issue.
I cook dinner nearly completely with recipes I’ve discovered on social media, and I like a themed birthday celebration. Don’t imagine me? The photographs on this article are mine. (Sure, I’m an unlimited hypocrite, however I’m attempting right here.) And I already know that people are going to inform me that tasks convey them pleasure. That’s superb. However in the event you’re something like me, it’s a slippery slope. I do know that pleasure rapidly devolves into anxiousness and stress if I’m doing one thing that I don’t even have time or power for.
I’m not saying you need to ditch your “Throw Kindness Like Confetti” classroom door decor or that you could by no means once more make Hershey’s Kisses acorns in your child’s class, however let’s put some guardrails round the sort of stuff. I do know the argument: Go away individuals alone. Allow them to do what they need in their very own school rooms/houses. It doesn’t have an effect on you. However the reality is it does have an effect on different individuals. It’s actually laborious to be the one instructor who doesn’t do the Elf or the one mother who doesn’t ship in an elaborate leprechaun lure. This solely works if we’re all in it collectively.
Cuteness doesn’t matter that a lot within the grand scheme of issues.
I feel we will all agree that artful mothers aren’t higher mothers. Academics with themed school rooms aren’t higher lecturers. What makes a very good mum or dad in relation to their little one’s training is involvement, advocacy, and being part of their academic group (and that appears totally different for various individuals). The most effective lecturers are caring and dedicated to giving their college students the most effective studying expertise doable. Cute might be enjoyable, however in relation to evaluating your effectiveness, it simply doesn’t think about.
Bear in mind how I mentioned this largely impacts girls? Dare I recommend that that is the patriarchy attempting to distract us from what’s actually vital? If they’ve us busy making churro cupcakes, possibly we received’t demand paid go away, inexpensive childcare, or knowledgeable wage for lecturers. I get that these are massive issues, and in a world the place a lot is out of our management, planting tiny succulents for 30 youngsters looks like one thing we can do. But when we will collectively agree to guard our time and refuse the guilt journey, we’ll have much more power for what truly issues.